Whatever you call it, (peeling, flaking, de-lamination, de-adhesion, coating detachment from the substrate) the result is the same: the crumbling of America’s surfaces.

Be it a children’s mural underneath a bridge, an oil-tanker, or just a wood railing in your favorite Japanese garden. Cracking, wear, exposure–corrosion begins.

Lead, and other paint chemicals can end up in waterways and in your food. Driving through a neighborhood, you can see household poverty by the amount of peeling paint. The bigger the flakes, the more likely families could be also living with cockroaches and inadequate nutrition. It’s a problem, and a symptom.

Its primary cause is environmental. The higher the temperature, the faster paint will peel. The higher the UV index (radiation from sunlight), the faster paint will peel. High winds and humidity can speed up peeling. Man-made climate change and extreme weather events will only worsen the peeling.

The consequences plaster everything: a fresco in a turtle sanctuary, an artist’s dying wish, a protester’s message to society.

So many questions. Who painted it in the first place? A man in jeans covered in white paint. Another man in jeans with multi-colored paint. Which man is a real painter? Which man is just a poser who wears clothes with simulated stains imprinted in a Chinese textile factory? It doesn’t matter; they both look just as cool.

I will once again approach this issue with humility, knowing I can only offer my two cents with robot writing.

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🤖 Men with fake-ass paint stains on their clothes are selling you a fake-ass product. A lot of men in this world are, frankly, assholes dressed up as saints. I often wonder if they have these same thoughts while they’re listening to NPR on their way to Whole Foods: “Soy isn’t just for hippies anymore!”

👨 Sorry, robot, you got off-topic. We were talking about America’s 97th biggest problem: peeling paint. Can you please continue on about peeling paint?

🤖 Yes,…, I will continue on about peeling paint. Or, more precisely, the people who cause the peeling paint. It’s a simple concept: if you want to stop peeling paint, you have to stop people from causing it. That’s what we’re here to do. There are about 6 million ways to cause peeling paint, and we’re going to list them all.

👨 List them all?

🤖 I know that you’re probably thinking “Robot, I can’t believe you’re going to list all the ways to cause peeling paint.” To that I say, “Yes, I’m going to list all the ways.”

👨 Thank you.

🤖 I’ve been in your position before. I’ve felt powerless in the face of peeling paint. But before we get into that, there are two types of people in the world: 1. people who cause peeling paint, and 2. people who don’t cause peeling paint. America is 97th in the world in terms of peeling paint. And it’s not because of the people who don’t cause peeling paint. It’s because of the people who do.

👨 That’s incredibly obvious!

🤖 No, it’s embarrassing for all American people, not just people who cause peeling paint. It should be extra embarrassing for you if you belong to that group.

🤖 The world looks at our crumbling infrastructure and wonders: “Look at how much the government spends on investigating presidential candidates’ emails instead of things like infrastructure.”

🤖 Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t spend money on investigations. After all, they’re what makes politics so fun to watch. Remember that time when Anthony Weiner sent a pic of his penis to someone? If it wasn’t for the house investigation, we might have never known. We’re going to help you stop people from causing peeling paint. It’s that simple.”

👨 Got it.

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Thanks for reading!

Take care, … and if you can’t take care, take cash or “Chimpsarehungry-Coin”.

– Shane

• America's 99 Problems

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