Below you will find pages about “America's 99 Problems”

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Defamatory online smears.

The following is an excerpt of me on a podcast called “What Did You do?", hosted by Johnny. “I smeared a guy… I defamed him online.” “What did you do?” asked Johnny. “I commented that his pet cockatoo, the famous one, is not as cool as he thinks it is. The comment went viral. People realized his cockatoo isn’t really that great.” “What did you do?” asked Johnny. “Well, when it went viral, I immediately contacted a PR firm to try to enhance my fifteen minutes of fame and really cash in.
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Missed child support payments.

Missed child support payments affect the lives of kids, moms, and dads like me, across the country. I’m back due $15,000 in payments. The Federal Parent Locator Service has me high in their database of fathers to track down for enforcement. I could face jail time, or worse, alienation from my kids. This is why I invented AliMoney, a cryptocurrency to help dads pay their child support on time. In the AliMoney network, dads provide proof-of-kid and contribute to a mining pool.
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Snakebites.

Venomous snakes found in the United States include rattlesnakes, copperheads, cottonmouths/water moccasins, and coral snakes. A venomous bite is called an “envenomation.” Although death from venomous snake bites is rare, … Each year, an estimated 7,000–8,000 people are bitten by venomous snakes in the United States, and about 5 of those people die. From: CDC.gov “I let snakes bite me, but I do it for a cause,” he told me.
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Inability to get into desirable nightclubs.

I cannot get into any desirable nightclub in the city. I can’t just go to a new city, this is Portland, it’s got an epic night-scene. People like me need to dance the pain away, and we can only do this in Portland. That was until every club bounced me out. “How did this happen to me??” Well, I’ll take you back to New Year’s Eve 2008. Everybody was making a big deal out of this year because the 2008-shaped glasses looked cooler than last year’s.
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Deaths caused by 'extreme' sports.

America’s playground, Central Oregon, is a wonderland for extreme sports. These sports, however, come at a cost. That cost is the lives of young men and women, who otherwise would have landed that trick. If only they would have survived, we could have watched them land that really sick trick and used the footage. 🤖🤖🤖🤖👨 (80% AI writing.) Authorities have identified a deceased 29-year-old extreme sports enthusiast and Portland native Andrew Rogers, who was just about to land a sick big air 360 on his surfboard before he hit some kind of tree, or something.
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Potential asteroid strikes.

The problem with potential asteroid strikes is that they’re too infrequent. If we had more asteroid strikes, we could start a gambling website around them. Put your money on where the next comet is going to hit: American. I’ll repeat it. The problem with comets and stuff is that we don’t place bets on them. We should have this opportunity. NASA thinks it’s so smart, being the ones who predict where space debris and asteroids are.
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Peeling paint.

Whatever you call it, (peeling, flaking, de-lamination, de-adhesion, coating detachment from the substrate) the result is the same: the crumbling of America’s surfaces. Be it a children’s mural underneath a bridge, an oil-tanker, or just a wood railing in your favorite Japanese garden. Cracking, wear, exposure–corrosion begins. Lead, and other paint chemicals can end up in waterways and in your food. Driving through a neighborhood, you can see household poverty by the amount of peeling paint.
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Gingivitis.

ShaneNeeley.com 🇺🇸 — America’s 99 Problems Solved by AI Writing: #98 — Gingivitis. “Gingivitis is an inflammation of the Gingies," is what my college professors told me. I hardly believed them; I never heard of such a body part. I thought Gingies was a term for orange cats. I did not want to fail the test, so I logged that information in my brain. I did some research, and it turns out “Gingies” is probably just a cute way of saying gums.
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Terrorism.

“I will write more consistently”, I told myself. So I’ve gathered a list of topics to help give my fingers a jumpstart during 30-minute morning writing sessions. These posts will be short, poorly researched, and co-written with AI methods. These short writings will be uncensored and ill-informed. Just thoughts. An easy topic first: terrorism. For the word terrorism, as en elder millennial, images of 9-11 pop into my head, as well as beheadings.